But in a way, I think this is kind of like a “clean up” time in my life. I’m finding new priorities, finding my old mistakes and also looking square at myself and seeing if it is something I truly like to see. Where did I screw up? Where did I go wrong? Can I do better in the future?

So I ended up going through all of my old e-mail contacts (because I can see those, I just can’t e-mail them. Isn’t *that* lovely too?)

And I saw lists of people that I haven’t seen for ages. Whatever happened to Saadia Iqbal? What happened to Maren Boyle. I have no idea if they are married, in college still, if they moved on? And my old Mentor from the Canisius college program, Tom C. Joyce… I kind of looked at his name and had this writerly thought–hey if I get published, could I make him call me? There are thousands of people we touch the lives of and forget about. Whether it’s an old colleague a classmate, a friend, or someone who just went missing from the Internet.

Does Otakimi-chan still remember me before she was banned from the Internet by her mother? I still remember her…

Does Dave Fuhrman remember the poetry board I left him to inherit before Mr. Bailey, my old HS teacher, died? I remember him too.

These people being there in my address book make me remember and reflect on myself, and perhaps they have pieces of me that I can’t even remember. It kind of makes me sentimental and want to ace this thing called life even more. Because I think my passion for writing is kind of a dream of trying to share it with people, make them think, wonder . They may have forgotten about me, but perhaps I may exist to them again through that act. Maybe I’ll make them scream and say wow. I may make them proud.

It also makes me realize how hard I try to hang onto friends, even the ones I lost contact with. Kaori Asakawa of Japan… I miss her still, despite the years we haven’t spoken.

These people, I put them back into my new contact list with the full knowledge that the e-mail addresses are probably old or wrong, but I think I still desire to talk to them again. Maybe the feelings of the next book after the Magic Solutions, Inc. I’m trying to publish will reflect those feelings of lost connections. I think I’d like that.

I can hope to get an agent soon. In the meantime, I’ll work on my next book.

I am also trained as a graphic artist. I can tell you what’s so appealing about a certain piece of art to a finite definition.

Despite this, I really hate a few things about today’s trends in print. I hate when people rely on the visual to tell what’s going on in the story. When one writes, they rely on words, not the visual of those words to convey the story. I think it should be this way because when one puts “HE’S OVER THERE!” it’s not only repetitive, but it is a cop out on the grandest scale. The work of a writer is to string words together, not to make a visual composition on the page. It’s the job of the typesetter (typographer) to put the words on the page in an appealing way. That’s not the job of the writer.

I also think that when one forgoes italics and caps and bold that one is forced to make their writing stronger. When italics are used only for emphasis, it forces the writer to devise new ways of doing “thought speech”. Maybe it is the pattern of how one thinks at the other person. Perhaps there are new tags.

Maybe it is because I am classically trained as a graphic designer that I have a strong reaction to people not using the basic unit of what a writer works with… the word. I have yet to find an author that is not graphically trained that can typeset a cover decently, so why are they trying to pull tricks with their type? Why not learn and hone the art of stringing words together? That’s our art that no other art can claim from us. So I think we should learn to do this better rather than resorting to visual tricks to communicate our story.

I think I want something like willing to edit if need be, but not telling me how to write a book from the ground up. Something like that. So not 100% a revising agent, but will get their hands dirty if the manuscript needs just a little more polish? I don’t need babysitting, I know the publishing industry fairly well. I can’t navigate all the nuances of a contract, but I know how checks are paid, royalties work, etc. I know how to write a book and I can get ideas on my own and I follow the market trends (incoming and outgoing). So I need an agent to be able to sell my book, but also if it comes down to it, help me to edit it to make the possibility that it will sell higher without compromising the original concept/feel? (i.e. try not to make it into something the book is not or fit a pre-existing mold… in which case, I think it would be better to find another author/book that suits that agent’s tastes better?)

No fear of smaller book publishers is a plus too, though I’m not against grand houses, like Harper, Double Day, etc picking the books I write up.

I hope that’s clear. I wonder if this will bite me later, but I don’t think this is an unreasonable request. Of course, I can dream about the agent that says it’s perfect as is (no revisions), and it sold for a grand amount of money, but that’s an unrealistic artists’ fantasy.

Paper makes me happy.

But there is talk about the end of paper. (Though technically paper comes from grown trees, not clear cutting, which comes from population expansion–so you’re not really saving a tree if you don’t spend your money on paper. Just preventing a tree from being planted and processed later on).

End of paper printing. I, who had wild dreams of having a Fantasy book with the cover of Michael Whelan, want a book to be printed in paper. At least before that industry dies. I think there is a special kind of euphoria of being able to physically hold and sign your books. Now that the dream of Michael Whelan doing a cover for one of my books has died (not because he has, but he’s quit doing covers. Cue my infinite sadness… though a little shallow) I am hoping to make it under the wire to hold a signing for a paper book.

My definition of rich is a cottage (2 floors, 1 basement not in CA in a temperate Zone) less than 100 feet long with a garden outside, on a lake, with a dog–Bichon Frise (or Bichon Frise Group), a ball python (or two), a color copier and printer, a book published with a cover done by Michael Whelan. I’d like to make a steady 40,000 dollars a year. (extra income coming from art I do or a steady job). Retirement would be working and being able to travel and do charity. Anything above 40,000 dollars, I don’t need and probably end up donating. And if I move to an area with low mortgage, I’ll probably need less than that.

Some parts of that are shallow… but I’d really like a book in paper print if I can’t have the cover by Michael Whelan. So please let me get in before that happens so I can promote my book in bookstores and point out the bathroom, and make the bookstore employees like me and maybe sign a book or two.

Though I do question how I could blow up someone and not have trouble, but when I run into these chapters, I have moral pangs of “Is this right?” and even worse, “OMG, it brings up issues of abortion without the abortion.” Which is odd for an adopted Korean Jew.

To comfort myself that it’s not moral pangs, I’m planning the story by outlining a little, but the truth is, that I have to sit down and make the characters I will kill likable. I have to kill them or the story won’t move forward properly. It will bring character development. And if I have pangs of guilt from it–then I think the reader will feel that too.

Lastly, if someone finds this post and connects the dots–nope… I really didn’t mean it as a proselytizing on the evils or goods of abortion. =P In fact, I just had a twisted POV as a kid… about the Pied Piper of Hamelin.

I’ll be glad to move on from this novel–not because it’s wasn’t tons of fun to write, but it’s really challenging my morals and also warping my point of view on the world. I want to go back to normal.

The second book of Magic Solutions, Inc is tentatively called “Magic Resolutions.” I intend this fully as a pun. Re:Solution and resolutions and re-solution… Triple pun attack. This book I describe as slightly less violence more references to sex and sex acts (though no physical sex scenes take place, some of the descriptions are more graphic.)

I plan to send out Magic Solutions, Inc for rejection. I like rejections because they push me to work harder. I’m waiting for last edits from a few people who promised to read it and give me feedback.

I also want to work on the wiki I set up for the book as well. I’m hoping this will become a selling point. I plan to set it up so those who get the book will be able to read special spoilers for the various books, get author notes on the characters and also get a good laugh even if they haven’t read the book. I’m not sure if the publisher would cooperate with that idea, but I know I spend hours getting lost in world wikis, so I thought it would be a great promotional material. Plus, let’s be honest, it’s a great way to waste time away from writing the book when I’m stuck, yet still be writing it. I think I need rehab for being a world building addict. Was Cultural Anthropology the reason I got into world building? No, it was world building that got me into cultural Anthropology.

After Magic Resolutions, then I’ll work on the next book which I already have lined up. The new book is slated to be Epic Fantasy with *gasp* Asian characters. I know, it’s very shocking to find out that an adult fantasy could have something other than Chinese or Native American characters roaming around that’s not LeGuin. I kind of find this state of affairs very sad. Fantasy is not limited by cultural restrictions like other genres–in fact it can show tolerance and build tolerance by the basic premise it has–anything goes, yet I can’t find the books in the genre I want to read. I’m dying to see characters not in a Medieval setting. I love Wuxia and Native American Fantasy that’s accurate. But I also want to read things like Ancient Greek Fantasy, An Urban Fantasy set in Rome (without the Paranormal, thank-you-very-much) I’d love to read something about the African Tribes and a fantasy set in something of that sort. I loved Anansi as a kid. Doesn’t Fantasy give us the chance to branch out of our own myopic worlds and give us a sense of wonder? That’s why I got into the genre (And I admit, Michael Whelan’s covers. I really wanted one made for one of my books in that childish fantasizing way. He quit making covers though.) and also why I stuck with it. I loved the flexibility and ability it gave to expand the human mind beyond our own world and release people’s fears and judgments with wonder. So I find it sad that Fantasy is so limiting in this regard. We can do better.

I have to admit from my end I had to get out of the all characters are white mind set. (George Takazumi, though volunteered to be Japanese long before I became conscious.) I found it weird that as a person of Korean and Jewish descent, I was writing characters that were white and in European settings! This isn’t to go all social justice, but considering the diversity of the universe and world I was writing in Magic Solutions, Inc, I found it impossible that everyone in the company was one skin color and one singular background. So I consciously tried to diversify the characters and the minor characters to not be white. I see this as practice so it comes up a little more naturally that there is more diversity. I definitely don’t want to be an author prejudiced against her own background. That would be weird and wrong.

The last thing I think I want to remind myself of at this point is that I want the publisher NOT to have a table of contents for the first book or the sequel if I get it published. I wonder if I can get that into a contract… I’d be willing to make that an issue.

I stared at it. Cow fur. It wasn’t getting cooked. Thinking I was seeing things, I pounded into the panel twelve minutes. Six minutes in the microwave became bigger and bigger. I thought I heard a moo. When it finished out stepped a cow and a chicken. Wheat and corn grew from the cow’s back.

The cow mooed again.

Angry and hungry, I put the broken microwave on top of the cow. I took the chicken with well placed newspaper under one arm and led the cow by a rope to my local repair shop. I entered into the shop.

“I thought you fixed it,” I said to the repairman.

“Oh… sorry, I gave you the wrong one. Full refund.”

“And what am I supposed to do with the cow and chicken?” I asked pointing to them.

“Give them to that customer over there.”

There was a man in the corner crying.

I tilted my head puzzled.

“I gave him your microwave. His cow and chicken died.”